I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
