Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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