coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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