Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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