You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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