Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
