I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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