I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
