i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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