Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
