I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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