I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
