Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
