Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
