just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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