Define "chronic" masturbator.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize