what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
