so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
