she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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