Cold hands, warm shart.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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