i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
