when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's shark week go big or go home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
