I just cut my nipple shaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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