I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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