Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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