No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
