I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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