Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
