This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
operation harelip BJ is a go
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
