drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
