What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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