Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
