How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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