pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
