Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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