so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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