What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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