She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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