i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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