Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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