Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
