I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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