We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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