I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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