my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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