I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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