and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
