my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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