My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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