i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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