I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
