HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
