To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
