He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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