8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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