Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
now i know why i became what i already was.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize