Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
