Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
