What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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