im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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