My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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