dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
