Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize