I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
