dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize